Greetings from New Mexico

So I'm writing this on my phone. Because I'm in my hammock. On the side of a mountain. Typical.
Anyway, I know I've only been gone a few days but I wanted to keep y'all updated. So the 12 hour drive here was good and uneventful. I arrived Friday afternoon and was immediately in awe of the beauty of this place. The lake, the mountains, the trees, all of it is amazing! I really just wanna jump in the lake but it's kind of freezing still. Everyone I've met is super nice and I've enjoyed spending time with the whole group of summer staff. Um, let's see here...I have 3 roommates who seem pretty cool.
I'm discovering that the Campus House key words for mission trips, patience and flexibility, are going to be super important here as well. I haven't really known what's going on since I've been here which is pretty frustrating to me. I'm trying to remember that mantra of patience and flexibility to remind me that that people who need to know what's going do know and that I'll be filled in if and when I need to.
Today the summer staff all loaded up and went to church together in El Dorado. The church was really great and I loved going with all of the staff to worship together. We now have the afternoon free until cooking out all together tonight once everyone has arrived. I took the free time to enjoy some quiet time on a solo hike. I found a place to put my hammock up and now I'm just chilling out and enjoying the beauty of creation.
This place is cool. God is going to do some cool things this summer and I cannot wait.

Getting the grade

2 Days ago I entered the classroom of my friend and former teacher, Rachel Shuck. I was visiting so that she could proof read my Spanish paper as she has all of my Spanish papers for the past 4 years. And you know what? 

She told me that my writing has gotten good and that she can really see improvement. 

And right then, I decided that I could not care less about what my professor says about this paper. 

I can guarantee that he will rip it to pieces. 

But that doesn't matter. 

Because the person whose Spanish 1 class I sat in nearly 8 years ago told me that she can see my writing improving each time she reads my papers. 

And that's what matters to me. 

Because that means I'm learning. 

That means my knowledge of the language I love is ever improving.

And this pretty much sums up my feelings about grades in general. 

I sometimes say that ruining my GPA was the best thing for me because I realized that the 4.0 cumulative would ever happen again after that. Since then, I'm content to learn and d my best but not kill myself for an A.

I've been thinking about grades quite a bit lately thanks to an education class I had this semester and I'm over it. I think that grades give kids the wrong motivation in school and that they are totally overrated. 

That being said, I'm very interested to find out what other people think about this. So tell me what you think...do we need grades? Are they helpful or harmful? Why do you think this?

Can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Life isn't fair

In the past week life has decided to throw some surprises my way.

Expensive surprises.

I don't know if you know this, but I'm not sitting on a whole pile of money these days.

I spent most of yesterday bemoaning my difficult life and just how unfair it all is and freaking out about how everything would get taken care of.

It was all very woe is me and overly dramatic.

But in the moment, it made sense to me.

In the moment, all I could see was my peers who don't have to work because their parents pay for everything.

In the moment, my mind replayed over and over the struggles of growing up without a whole lot.

All I could see was how unfair it was.

All I could see was people around me who haven't had to take on any responsibilities in life or even start to grow up.

And those moments sucked.

But I've had a perspective shift in the past 24 hours for a couple of reasons.

The first being thanks to a little thing called Global Rich List.

This site lets you put in your income and it tells you where you stand in the world.

I found out that I'm in the top 5.23% of the richest people in the world.

Talk about being slapped back to sense.

94% of the world lives on less money than me.

Who am I to complain about money, ever?

The second thing that helped me change my thinking was my parents.

I realized that when they were my age, they were already raising 2 kids.

My mom worked her way through college while raising my sister on her own until my dad came into the picture. I'm barely making it through with my jobs and school, so my mom must be superwoman to have pulled this off.

And my dad, that guy. Talk about someone who worked hard to get where he is today and always provide for his family. That guy truly amazes me. And kind of makes me question the necessity of college.

Anyway, my parents didn't have it easy growing up either. We don't come from money. 

They didn't have parents who handed them everything. They've worked hard their whole lives too.

They understand.

I'm sure they looked around them at one point and were jealous of their peers who seemed to have it easier. Maybe not, I dunno.

Basically, I've learned that I have to stop looking at other people's lives.

That's not the life I've been given, but the one I have is great!

When I compare my life to the people around me, sure it looks hard sometimes.

But when I really think about it, my life looks so easy to about 94% of the world. 

Life isn't fair, and it never will be.

Comparison really will steal your joy.

Looking around isn't going to change my situation.

Being content and thankful for what I do have certainly will change how I walk through any given situation in life though.

So here's to living my life, and not wishing for someone else's.

God loves Fred Phelps

Unless you've been living under a rock somewhere, you've probably heard that the founder of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, Fred Phelps, recently passed away. Some of the reactions I've seen to this have really bothered me...things like people saying that it's good that he's dead. People talking about protesting his funeral like he did to so many.

And I get that, I do.

Trust me, I have very strong feelings about Westboro and the pain they cause for so many.

But at the same time...we should probably stop to look at our own hearts when we're saying it's good that a man just died.

Who's to say that I'm any better than Fred Phelps?

No I don't protest funerals or tell people that God hates them.
But sometimes my heart is full of anger and hostility toward others.
I judge and I tear people down in my mind until my opinion of them is so low that I have no respect for them at all, even if sometimes I don't really know anything about them.

And it sucks because I know that's not a heart like Jesus'. I know that I have SO much growing still to do. But I also know that God still loves me. I believe that every time God sees those things in my heart, he yearns for me to bring them to Him because He alone can transform my heart and mind.

I think that sometimes when God looks at my heart and sees those things, He sees an erring child whom He desperately wants to help. And maybe that's what He saw when He looked at Fred Phelps, too.
I guess I'm trying to say that maybe ole Fred wasn't so different from the rest of us.

We all need Jesus, and that's that.

I'm thankful for a Father who accepts me and chose me despite my imperfections. I am thankful that He is transforming my heart and molding it into what He created it to be, day by day. I'm thankful that even when I take 2 steps back in my journey with Him, He's right there with me to lead me forward again.

I'm thankful that God loves each of us. You, me, and even Fred Phelps.

OK go!

I spent the past week in Oklahoma with Campus House on our annual spring break mission trip. It was so wonderful! We worked with an organization called Agape Lane that works with Native American churches. Basically, the churches sign up for things they need fixed and we're split up into teams to go out and work on whatever those things may be for the week.

I went on this trip last year as well. And while that was a great experience, this year was something entirely different and wonderful for me. That being said, let me tell you about it...

My work crew this year was assigned to stay at the camp and complete various projects there. We built a wall for the loft where the girls sleep, we tore out doors, we put in new doors, we put up new trim, we tore out half of a wall, we put up a new half of said wall, and a few other odds and ends. My favorite part of the work was definitely tearing things up! But then it was really cool to see those very things we destroyed make way for the new things that we were putting in. It was rewarding to see all of our hard work actually produce something. Last year, I was on a painting crew. Painting is all well and good and is needed sometimes but I felt like I did so much more this year when I actually got to be part of building new things. Plus I got to play with power tools all week. :)

I think though, this year, my favorite part of this trip was family group time. That's weird for me. But I loved it. Last year, my family group leader had to call me out specifically to get a word out of me. This year, I was the one sharing. I was eager to talk to my group about the day and loved walking through our devos with them each night. Perhaps strangest of all was when our leaders said they wanted us to share testimonies and I didn't tremble at the thought, I actually wanted to share it. And I did. That's weird. But it's awesome. And our whole group shared their stories. So I now have the privilege of knowing a few of my brothers and sisters in Christ that much better and I'm extremely thankful for that.

And as much as I wish I could tell you the week was all sunshine and rainbows and group hugs, it just wasn't. There was one day that all I wanted to do when we finished working was cry. I was tired, we had worked hard, and I mis-measured the boards we needed for our final thing that day. Awesome, ugh, not. Thank goodness I was working with a wonderful crew who didn't give me crap about messing up, but instead encouraged me and loved on me when I needed it. There were shenanigans that forced me to spend the day looking into my own heart and not liking everything I saw there. But I think that's good and it's important. We can't fix those things if we never stop to consider them.

All things considered, it was a fantastic trip! I got to work hard and serve while spending an entire week in fellowship with my brothers and sister from Campus House, which is always a blessing in and of itself.

Tear Streaked Prayers

It's hard to ignore the reality lately that we live in a fallen and broken world. It's been all around this week. Monday, my sweet little cousin, Tommie, would have turned 14 years old had she not left us in a tragic car accident 7 years ago. 

Tuesday, we all got the terrible news of precious Hailey being taken. 

And Wednesday, the heartbreak grew and the reality of Hailey's tragedy set in. 

There was news from my home town of some high school kids in a bad car wreck. 

And then news today about deep hurts within a family that is very near and dear to my heart. A family who we've lost contact with through the years but now I desperately just want to hug each of them and tell them how much they mean to me and how much I love them.

And I don't know what to do. 

I don't know how to respond besides to sit here and cry out to God as the tears stream down my face. 

All of this hurt is so big. 

It's so real. 

And I wish I could take it away. 

But I can't. 

But I know that the God who put the stars in their places and set this world into motion can. 

And He wants to. 

He wants to wrap his arms around us and let us cry on his shoulders, like any father does. 

We have to bring it to him though and hand our hurt over to him.

Honestly, words aren't enough tonight. And maybe they never really are, but I'm at a loss here. I'm surrounded by brokenness that I am absolutely powerless to fix and I hate that.

So I'll sit here and I talk to the Father.

I'll sit here and let the tears streak my face because I really don't know what else to do.

Cliff diving and other adventures...

I got a call last Friday that sent me jumping around my apartment in excitement. In fact, I haven't really stopped jumping around about it since. It is the opportunity to do something awesome. It is an opportunity that, in all honesty, I didn't think I would actually get. But I did.

And now I'm staring at this big, unknown adventure.
It kind of like I'm about to dive off a cliff with no idea where I'll land.
Once upon a time this would have scared me. I wouldn't have even been brave enough to dream of it being possible.

I guess there are still things that scare me. Mostly about how real life is going to happen and I will return to being a responsible adult after this adventure. It occurred to me tonight that I only have one year left in school and then I'm supposed to be on to the "real world" doing "grown-up" things. I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to make that happen. And it's hard to keep those things from affecting the now. It's hard to keep them from clouding my excitement about this opportunity.

Wouldn't it be easier to stay where I am?
Wouldn't it be safer to do what I know?
Wouldn't it be more responsible to save and save to ensure an easier and more secure future?

Yes. The answer to all of those is yes, I know it is.

But I don't want easy.
I don't want safe.
And to a degree, I don't want "responsible."

I want radical.
I want world changing.
I want such unshakable trust in the Lord that I will walk into anything He has for me.
I want to stand on the edge of those cliffs and know that jumping doesn't mean I'm falling into the unknown; it means I'm jumping into the arms of the Father.

Where I'm going to land: Glorieta, New Mexico