Do Everything

Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you, 
Cause he made you, 
To do
Every little thing that you do 
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do

Just over 7 months ago on my first day in Nicaragua, these lyrics kept repeating themselves in my brain. It was a hot day and I was spending it picking up trash at the farm of the missionary we were working with...not exactly how I'd pictured my first mission trip. Throughout that week though, God used that to change my heart. That day in particular, I realized that even though it wasn't fun, those tasks our team helped with on our first day helped to free up Marcus' time so he could be out ministering to and loving the people of Nicaragua. 

When I put it in perspective and realized that I was doing what I was doing for God, picking up trash didn't seem so bad...I wasn't just helping out Marcus, I was cleaning up a farm that belongs to God.

When it was my turn to do a devotion for the group that week, I talked about this. I talked about how it's easier to have this "do everything for God" mentality when you're in a foreign country specifically to do kingdom work. But what about when we got back home? Would I find a way to make my jobs show glory to God? How do I make waiting tables and taking care of kids something more, something that honors God?

This is something that I've been thinking about for a long while now and maybe I still don't have it right, but I'm trying each and every day. Maybe it means not getting angry with a table for leaving me a bad tip, maybe it's going out of the way to help a co-worker, maybe it's laying down my pride and apologizing to a co-worker for something I said when I was stressed out, maybe it's loving on a foster kid at the daycare even if they drive me crazy. I'm sure I could make this list go on and on if I really thought about it. While there are so many ways to show God the glory in our every day lives, I think it's important that our self centered human nature doesn't always want to do that and sometimes it's hard.

In those times, it's important to remember why we want God's light to shine through us...we want everyone to know that love and joy and hope...it's not about us. For me, it usually takes tripping up and doing something that might not bring glory to God before I take a step back and try again. For example, last night a work everything was falling to pieces and I was stressed out because things weren't perfect and I couldn't fix all of them...I began to get grumpy with my tables and my co-workers and I wasn't very loving. So in the midst of all the craziness I said a prayer, "God, I can't do this on my own, I need your help to be patient and kind and understanding. I don't want to be this way, I want Your light to shine through me." And it all turned around right there, God calmed me and helped me through the rest of my night.

So, I want to challenge you today, look to an area of your life where you might not think about it being something you do for God...and make it something you do for God. Anything can be kingdom work if we have willing workers.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Story Time!

I love testimonies!
There's just something about hearing someone excitedly tell you how God has changed their life that sends chills up my spine every time. Testimony has power. It's something tangible that we can point to and say, "Why do I know that God is real and loves me like His own child? Because He cares so much for me that He took the dirty rotten mess I'd made of my life and turned it into something beautiful!" That touches people in a way that I think scripture sometimes can't, if they can know that someone else has been where they've been and made it through to something infinitely better then they can know that with God there's hope even in the hopeless.
That being said...I don't share my testimony. People don't know my story. Often times in small group or something, a question will arise that I can easily relate to my life...but I sit by silently because I don't want the people in that room to judge me.
Thinking about that now, I realize how terribly selfish that is of me...what if someone in that room is in the same place I've come from and they need to know that they can make it through? What if they need to know that there's someone who's been there that they can confide in?
It was a long while before someone said to me, "Hey, I've been there before and I'm here for you now to help you see the way out." And while I really wish that day had come sooner, I know it all played out exactly how it had to. I wouldn't be the same person now if not for the person I once was.
The reality is that I'm different, I know that. Some part of me feels like other people may want to associate me with my old self if they know about it though...mainly because some that were around to know that version of me still associate me with it even though I'm not the same.
It's one of those things that keeps tripping me up because I am constantly comparing myself to others saying, "Well, my sin was/ is waaaaaay worse than so and so, everyone will think I'm awful if they know!" or a whole variety of other things to scare myself out of sharing. There's that part of me has trouble remembering that it's all forgiven...that God doesn't even see all of that junk anymore,so why should I?
I am infinitely grateful for those people in my life who have had the courage to look me in the eye and tell me their stories! They have taught me so much about being real with people and how that plays out and what a beautiful thing it is.
Soooo, I think what I'm going for here is the idea that we should really all share our stories more. Let us not be silent because there is power in talking about that past as something God helped you to overcome rather than working to hide it and letting it still have control of us in that way. Not to mention how much accountability you create for yourself by letting people know what things you may be susceptible to slipping back to.
Someone out there needs to hear your story and you never know who that might be.

Inked

  So in May of 2012, I decided to get my first tattoo...and I thought long and hard before getting it...and then I thought long and hard about what I would get. I didn't want to get something I would ever regret. I wanted it to be meaningful and real...and now I have lots and lots. But people don't see most of them often so I thought I'd share...Also, most of my work has been done by Trever Collins, owner of Trever Collins Tattoo Company in Nixa, MO. Some have been done by his (now former) apprentice, Jess Holliday, I'll let ya know which ones she did.
Here's tat numero uno:

Why these words and why together you may ask...or you may not because I've learned that people just stare and never really ask (rude!). Let me just tell you :) Ephesians 2:10 is my most favorite verse and it says, "For we are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works that were planned long ago." I picked the word fearless to go with this because this verse always reminds me that I never have to fear inadequacy because I am the MASTERPIECE of the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE...and that's pretty powerful stuff! And also that I shouldn't fear the future because God's already got good works lined up for me to do.

Tattoo numero dos:

This one has a couple of different meanings for me. Remember the LIVESTRONG bracelets that everyone and their mom used to wear? Well the livestrong foundation is dedicated to cancer research so this tattoo is partly for my grandparents as my grandmother is a cancer survivor and my grandpa spent 2 years battling brain and lung cancers which eventually took him from us. Also, this one is a daily reminder to give life all I've  got every day because things don't come easily in this world, life takes hard work and dedication.

Numero tres: 

I think this is pretty self explanatory :)

Numero cuatro:

So this is the big one and I spent lots of time figuring this one out for sure. I had a friend of mine draw it up and am so happy with how it turned out! So, this here is a lotus flower...the lotus flower grows up from the muddy depths of a river or pond or what-have-you and then blooms above the water surface. The symbolism here is both of a new beginning and also growing out of maybe not the best circumstances both of which were huge factors in my selection of the lotus flower. The words in the middle say, "Be the change" from the Gandhi quote, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." 

5:

Isaiah 6:8...I got this upon returning home from my first mission trip to Nicaragua...it was then that I was really sure that I want to go wherever God may have me go to share His love and keep growing the family of Christ.

6 and 7:

Captain America and Batman with the words 'Heroes Exist'...not only are these my favorite super heroes, they're awesome. Before Cap became a super soldier, he was just a regular guy who wanted to do good and help his country, nothing special or unusual...just a good guy who wanted to help. Batman, besides being filthy rich, also has no powers. He just wanted to get rid of all the bad guys so he trained and worked hard to make himself into a crime fighting machine. This tattoo not only reminds me about my real life heroes, who are just regular people, and how much they mean to me but it also reminds me that I can be someone's hero too. Just because I'm nothing special doesn't mean I can't do big things to help people in this world.

Number 8: This love one is so special to me! Each letter was drawn by a different person and has its own special significance. I got the idea based of To Write Love On Her Arms and then decided to make it literal by letting people who have figuratively written love on my arms do so literally. It's reminds me that even when I don't feel lovable, there are people who love me. Even when I try my best to push them away and even when I'm hard to love, they're right there next to me loving me through it. 

L: From the one who taught me that it doesn't matter what people think of you. If you love something, love it and be excited about it. 

O: From the one who has been there through so much and taught me to see the beauty in even the smallest things.

V: From the one who reminded me that I have a voice and I have a story and that people really do care.

E: From the one who taught me about being real with people. And showed me that I'm not always in alone in things I think people don't understand.

Number 9: My world map with the word allons-y across it :)

The map comes from my love of travelling and experiencing other cultures and meeting new people all over this world. Allons-y is my sneaky little geeky tribute to Doctor Who, as it's the 10th Doctor's catchphrase. But it happens to fit perfectly seeing as it means "Let's go" in French and I am so ready to go and explore the world!

10: 

Beauty and the Beast!! Right outer calf.

11: 

This beauty is a work in progress. We're 3 sessions and 13 hours in and nowhere near finished. Can't wait to see the finished product, which will cover my entire left thigh.

12: 

This one was done by Jess. I think it's fairly self explanatory. It's a good reminder to myself on my rougher days of battling mental illness. Left inner forearm where I can see it easily and often.

13. 

Another Jess tattoo. This is Elvish, like Lord of the Rings, Elvish. In Two Towers, Frodo asks Sam why they're still trying. Sam replies, "There's some good in the world, Mr. Frodo and it's worth fighting for." I got this from that statement and it says, "It's worth fighting for." Another good reminder for myself on rough days. Left outer forearm.

14 and 15. 

More tattoos by Jess! Love my watercolor deathly hallows. Harry Potter nerd for life! Perks of Being a Wallflower is my favorite book ever and the only one I've read over and over because it never gets old. Might add some more to this one soon.

16. 

We'll see you tomorrow was To Write Love on Her Arms' theme for World Suicide prevention day 2015. The idea of tomorrow and just holding on for one more day at a time when it gets hard to stay alive really resonates with me and my ongoing fight with my own brain.

17. 
I know we've already talked about this special piece, but it was made even more special when I added the semicolon. Semicolon project is the idea that the story isn't over. A writer could have chosen to end a sentence, but instead paused with a semicolon and then continued. Much like I have to remember to pause when I want my story to end and choose to keep going instead. Left inner arm, right above the "ditch"

18. 
I'm on the right. More Harry Potter here. Bestie is on the left. Back of my left shoulder.

19.

Here's some more work from Jess. It's a hobbit hole door, because I'm such a giant nerd. Jess did this piece while she was still an apprentice which I think is beyond amazing. I love the color in this one.Right inner forearm.

20.

Galaxy Peter Pan! This was the beginning of a much more intricate Disney piece. Wraps around outside of left calf.

21.

So, I took the Peter Pan piece and had Trever turn it into a Disney mash up, hopefully one day it will be a Disney leg sleeve. Represented here is Little Mermaid, Brave, and Tangled. This is an in progress shot, there's a bit more to it now, it's just super hard to take a picture of myself. lol Outside/ back of left calf.

Ok, that's the update for the moment, I have several more to add, but I need to snap a few pictures first.

Do Something Awesome

It's summer...and for me that basically means that I work, lounge around my apartment, and spend time with friends. Which is all fine and good...but it all feels so pointless. I have friends who are doing really cool things like being half way around the world teaching English or working at camp all summer...and I'm just here. The week that I did spend at camp was fantastic and felt like it had purpose to it. Getting up every day and going to work has literally one purpose, to pay bills. I just feel like I could be doing so much more.
So here's the thing, my lease will be up at the end of May next year and I theoretically could wait to sign a new one until school started up again in the fall, leaving me rent free for the whole summer...so I would have all of next summer free to do something awesome. The thing is that I don't know what I want to do!
So I need some help here from you lovely people that care enough to read my ramblings...what awesome thing should I do with summer 2014?!? I mean, I'd love to be the one on the other side of the world teaching English or hanging out with kids all summer at camp or even just living somewhere else for a summer and getting the chance to be part of other people's lives for a little while. I want to be serving somewhere and not just when work allows me to, I want to dedicate all of my time, at least for the whole summer to something of importance.
 I want to start thinking about it now so I really have time to figure out  what I want to do/ how I'll make it work. So, really, I'd like your input, people! What ideas do you have? Do you know people that you could put me in touch with such as missionaries or anyone else who might have something awesome for me to do? Have you ever just taken off and done something like this, if so, what? Would I enjoy doing what you did?
I'll be collecting ideas for a while and hopefully going to ICOM (international conference on missions) later this year to meet people/ get more ideas of what I could do. If you think of something, please let me know! Really, I'm excited about the world of possibility here, help me out!

The elephant in the room...

I probably shouldn't touch this one with a 10 foot pole...but I want to. It's something that my gut tells me need to be talked about, to be dealt with...to change. So today, as I'm sure we all know, the supreme court made a huge decision. The supreme court threw out DOMA and prop 8, effectively lifting any bans on same sex marriages. And this doesn't affect me in any way so I heard the news and went on about my business until I saw the following post pop up on my news feed:

"Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lies with a man, as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them" That's what my bible says and that is what I believe, that's my opinion like it or lump it... I do not believe that gay marriage should be allowed"

And let me just tell you that I had so much trouble not commenting on that status! My brain went crazy with all the things I wanted to say and I managed to scroll on...but now I feel like they need to be said.

Once upon a time, some people felt like the Church of England was oppressing them and making them practice things they didn't necessarily believe in, so they decided to leave. Hopefully you know the rest of the story about them founding this amazing country where we have religious FREEDOM. And while those founders were indeed Christians...they didn't want to force it on anyone because they knew what that felt like (I mean, I assume that's why...I wasn't there). So somewhere along the line, someone decided that our government and the church needed to be 2 separate entities to prevent the country from oppressing anyone of a different faith.

Do you understand how cool this is?!? For a long time, I didn't think the separation of church and state was a good thing...but now I know differently. Just take a minute to think about what it would be like if the church and state weren't separate and some extremist group of a made up religion came into power. What if they suddenly started making laws for everyone based solely on what their holy book and their god said? I wouldn't like it and I'm willing to wager that you wouldn't either.

So with that knowledge, why are we trying so hard to govern our country by the Bible?!? Yes, I believe what the Bible says and that we should follow it. But I do not believe it is our place to force other people to do so. If we wanna govern this country by the Bible, we best get busy passing laws to ban all sins...let's get some tighter divorce laws up in here, better find a way to ban anger and jealousy, too. While we're at it, let's try to ban drunkenness again...it worked so well last time. Don't forget about gluttony, sloth, and envy. The list goes on, kids. Man, how are we ever going to stop all of those sinners out there from doing these things...Oh, but when we include all of those things we're all bound to have fingers pointing right back at us because we're all sinners. So, let's not try to stop them, I mean, those sins aren't as bad...right? (Ugh *eye roll*) 

Can we also address the nonsense people like to spew about marriage equality "destroying the sanctity of marriage" because, really? Last time I checked, the laws put in place by the United States government had absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the laws set up by God...so how exactly is the sanctity of marriage being destroyed by a gay couple who simply wants to the same legal rights as a straight couple? A marriage that puts God in the center and that works to glorify Him shouldn't be affected by the marriage of anyone else...and if it is, I think that couple probably needs to refocus their marriage a bit and look within rather than at what everyone else is doing. 

I always feel really awkward when my Christian friends bring this up and are very much like that facebook post I saw tonight. Because while I hold the same view of marriage as they do, I'm rather opposed to forcing that view on other people. I wouldn't ever want anyone forcing their views on me and deciding things for me based on their beliefs. So let's embrace the freedom that our forefathers risked their lives for and fought so hard for. Let's show people love and not spew hate, even if it's unintentional.

Chosen- Maranatha 2013

Sometimes you decide to sponsor jr high church camp...and you're the only female sponsor with 11 girls. Did I mention they're in junior high?

And also sometimes, God uses that time to remind you about such very important things as kindness, gentleness, love, patience and the like.

Because when a kid has been on your nerves all week and they keep at you, you have to practice kindness, patience, and love to keep yourself from snapping at them.

Or when a girl is crying over something silly, but she sees as super important and world ending, gentleness and love are the things that will help her through not telling her to cut it out because there's really nothing to be upset about...even though that might be what you're thinking.

Now that it's all said and done, there's a part of me that's sad it already ended and we have to wait a year to go back!

As much as I'm sure all these kids learned, I'm sure I learned infinitely more this week...

I learned some practical things like:

•  How to work as a team of family leaders with people I didn't know and how to connect with these kids who I was around for such a short time.
  
• Take more bandaids to camp...kids hurt themselves...a lot
• Junior high girls do not share my OCD tendencies...so try not to freak out over the messy dorm
• Spend as much time hanging with the kids as possible, even if you can barely keep your eyes open or they want you to do archery with them when you already have huge bruises from archery with a different kid 
  
  
  
• Sadly some kids would rather spend their money on 10 candy bars than give it to missions...that's ok, they're still learning and they have to learn on their own.

I also had the absolute pleasure of listening to some of the most amazing sermons and devotions that I have ever heard! We had two speakers from OCC who both blew my mind with what they had to say...the first showed us pictures of leprosy and explained the disease to us while comparing sin to spiritual leprosy. So true and such a great way to put it and one that I certainly won't forget any time soon. The other speaker from OCC, who was my favorite from the week, recited the Tell Tale Heart....may sound crazy but it was a PHENOMENAL lesson. He said that our old self is like the old man in the story and that we all have an old man to kill. But that once we kill that old self we're left with the dilemma of where to "hide the body". He said that most of us, like in Poe's story, try to hide our old sinful self and act like it never existed...but then it starts to haunt us just like the heart beat in Tell Tale Heart...and then we can't handle it anymore so we shine the light on that old self and we finally tell someone about it. And man do I understand that! Satan has so much power over us when we live in constant fear of someone finding out who we once were. But when we let someone in, when we confess our junk, that power is gone! We realize that there is no longer anything to fear because we  aren't our old selves anymore and we have the power to keep ourselves from going back and when we confess we also have other people to keep us accountable to the way we should be living and help us make sure that old self stays dead where it belongs. 

Also, Rapha House (www.freedomforgirls.org)  was our mission for the week and I basically love Rapha House so I was extremely happy to have them there and support them. I also loved seeing our kids wanting to learn more about Rapha because they too had hearts that were broken by the stories we heard. I couldn't help but remember the first time I heard about Rapha and learned about the girls there...my heart was broken for them, I wanted to help so much...all I wanted to do was jump on a plane to Cambodia right then and there. A huge part of my heart still aches to go to Cambodia and wrap my arms around these girls and let them know how loved and worthy and beautiful they are. 

I am so thankful to have Maranatha Bible Camp as a part of my life for so long now! I have so many memories there and God has done and continues to do so many big things in that amazing place! 

Pray for the camp staff as they keep pouring out love to different kids all summer, they are truly a wonderful group of kingdom workers.

Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today

Today I spent 12 hours in a field. Not just randomly, mind you. I spent 12 hours in a field for the wedding of two of my oldest and dearest friends. And it was lovely! After much hard work on their parts to prepare plus so many friends and family doing so many different things to make this day special for them, I can easily say that this was the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to!
A little background info to tell you how much I love this couple...
So my 4 year old self went to a babysitter everyday and sometimes a girl named Clarey Collins would come to my babysitter. I did not like her. When this Clarey character was around, my friends wanted to play with her instead of me...it was not cool. But then we went to different elementary schools so I never really crossed paths with her again until jr. high when we became friends because of a mutual friend...the three of us did everything together all the time. But then our third amigo decided to start running with a new crowd, which pretty much sucked. I think it's safe to say it was really hard for both of us to watch our friend walk away like she did and into what she did...but Clarey really helped me through that time and our friendship grew. Then at our last CIY conference together I remember walking together one night and Clarey saying to me something along the lines of, "Matt's talking to his dad right now about marrying me one day..." and even though we were still just kids really and they hadn't been dating all the long, my reaction was pure excitement because I just knew that it was right...these two were meant to be.
As for Matty, I met him in first grade. I remember that I his birthday was the first time I went to a boy's birthday party. He was the only person I knew when I started going to KITES so we always spent our KITES days hanging out. A few of my favorite memories from high school include the year we both wrote papers about how we needed a high school gifted program then got to speak at a school board meeting and then got to be a part of that program the next year when it was started and also our history class together where we'd always finish our work early and spend the rest of the class period playing cards with our group of friends.

As much as I claim to not believe in relationships....Clarey and Matty's love makes me a bit less jaded. It's so pure, so real, so lovely. One day they will be that little old couple who still holds hands that everyone says is so cute. I am so honored to call these two my friends and even more so to have gotten to stand up with them on their special day. It is a day I will never forget and I'm so happy to have been even a small part of it.