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People tend to balk at me when I say I don't believe in love. They say I just don't understand yet, that one day the right guy will make me believe in it. And the thing about it is...I suppose I do believe in it, but to me, it isn't worth it.
Argue with me all you like, you won't change my mind.
Because you see, when I think of love...I don't think of hearts and kisses. I think of the pain I saw in the eyes of my father so many years ago as he lay on the floor next to me, crying because, "it was almost over." It being my parents' marriage. When I think of love, I remember my big sister crawling into my bed sobbing late one night because she and her then fiance had broken up again. And then I think of how helpless it felt to watch her walk back into that relationship that I knew was bound to keep causing her pain.
In discussing all of this again today, my darling big sister told me that it didn't matter what people said to her, she was in love and she knew what she wanted...so why listen to anyone on the outside of that?
So where did that leave me? Constantly worrying.  Not knowing if or when she'd turn up crying again. Not sure of what to do if she did. Angry. Angry at someone for making her cry. Angry at her for being dumb enough to go back to someone who would treat her like that. A rift formed between that couldn't heal until she could finally see that all I ever wanted was the best for her. All I ever wanted was her to be happy. All I ever wanted was someone to love her like she deserved.
But she was in love, you see. And who ever listens to the little sister who doesn't believe in love when it comes to matters of the heart?
To quote that sister of mine, "Love is terrible, it blinds you to a lot of things." It's hard to be on the outside looking in, and I don't claim to really have any idea what I'm talking about. But I can tell you that the worry that comes from seeing someone I love walk straight into potential heart break is one that keeps me up at night.
But maybe I just don't understand yet. I can certainly tell you that I don't want any part of understanding if it means laying my heart out there to be stomped on. Go ahead and call me callous and jaded, I already know that I am.