A call to action...

You may or may not know that I sponsor youth group activities at my church. I love those kids! Nearly every Sunday night, I am afforded the opportunity of hanging out with the junior high girls small group. And while it sometimes feels like herding cats, I love it. Those girls are so great! My time with them has led me to have some interesting conversations lately...one being focused on prayer.
I noticed that when the time rolled around each week for prayer requests I would inevitably hear things like, "I really wanna make the cheer squad" or, "Well I have a really low grade in this class...." and I started to get frustrated after hearing this over and over. On some level, I realize that these are just 6-8th grade kids, but still...anyway, I was discussing this recently with one of our campus ministers. She said something along the lines of, "Yeah, but don't you see the same thing around here? In your small groups and whatnot?"
It's so true. So many times, our prayers requests are things like the stress level of school, or how many tests we have, or money or what have you. This frustrates me to no end. I'm not perfect, I'm sure I've made my share of silly prayer requests...but there's a point.
There's a point where you've got to get up off your praying knees and get to work. Harsh? Oh well.
If you're stressed about school maybe you need to study more and work harder...sure, tell God about it, he wants to hear about everything in our lives. But don't expect test answers to magically fall from Heaven or your stress level to lessen if you aren't going to make some changes.
If money is your problem, maybe you need to manage yours better or work more. You can't just sit there and pray for financial blessing and think you're good. God's not going to make it rain hundreds just because you whine about your student loan debt.
I wholeheartedly believe that we are God's hands in this world, and if the hands don't get to work nothing will ever get accomplished.
My small group is currently walking through the book of Ruth and in doing my Bible study today, I found something that related perfectly...basically the author of our study was pointing out that Ruth went to work in the fields and just so happened to end up in Boaz's field. Moral of that story? If Ruth hadn't been willing to go to work and get things done, her story wouldn't have been the same.
I think I can somewhat relate to this in my own life at the moment...at the end of this summer I decided that my next summer will be doing something big, something that matters. I'm still not sure what that'll be though, there is so much I want to do/ could possibly do. I've prayed about it, I've told God that I'm open to wherever He calls me. Have I had a divine revelation about where I'm supposed to go? Nope. But you know I did last week? I applied to work at camp next summer.
Would I love to be there? Absolutely!
Do I think God is calling me there? Eh...I dunno.
I am, however, certain that if that's not where I'm meant to be, that door will be closed. Sometimes, when we're not sure which way God wants us to go, we have to do our best to follow His will as we know it, then take action. If we're in the wrong place, I'm quite certain God will make it known to us in big ways and we can go from there. I think that if we're truly focused on doing God's will and making things happen for the Kingdom, God will direct our steps and use us in big ways, even if they aren't what we expected.

So basically, I hope that all of us will remember 2 things:

• God is not our cosmic genie, there to grant our wishes.
• Sometimes, we have to be people of action, willing to take that first step out in faith to make things happen.

So hit your knees and talk to God. But then get up and get to work for the Kingdom.

To Write Love On My Arms

A week ago, I let people who mean a whole lot to me, literally write love on my arm, for forever. And I told you I based the idea off of To Write Love On Her Arms...but maybe you don't know much about this organization. And I'm quite certain you don't know why I'm passionate about it.

I've struggled with depression since I was 15 years old. At first, it manifested itself physically in terrible terrible headaches that couldn't be explained with any amount of testing, insomnia, and a total lack of motivation to do anything besides lay in bed.
Then they sent me to a counselor...I told her she was wrong.
Then they sent me to another doctor, who I also told he was wrong.

I fought them because I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want that stigma attached to me.
I didn't want people to treat me differently. 

Eventually, I realized they were right and I was tired of feeling the way I did so I started looking for ways to deal with depression without medicine. I am still rather opposed to ever being medicated, the short while that I was was awful and I was a total zombie. Anyway, I eventually came out of it and thought I was good forever...until it came back. It came back without warning and stole my light. It stole everything beautiful and wonderful in the world until all I felt was hurt.

I tried to hide from it, to mask the pain, to not feel anything at all. And I usually succeeded in the not feeling anything department. But that only lasts for so long. The hangover shows up and the warm fuzzies wear off. So I'd do it all over again. Over and over and over always trying to squash the pain in my heart. 

Then one day, it all changed.

One day I took a leap of faith.

I asked for help.

I let someone in.

I let someone love me even though I didn't feel like I deserved it.

That's when I got my life back.

That's when I realized that hope is real and rescue is real.

Unfortunately, I've since learned that this struggle isn't one that plans to leave me alone. It still pops in from time to time and hits me like a semi truck. It happens for no reason at all and I have no power to stop it even though I wish I did. Those times are hard. They present me with a daily, hourly, by the minute battle. But I will always fight because I've learned that things can be beautiful and full of light again.

I've learned not to be silent about it. I've learned to let people in. I've learned to let people love me. I've learned how much God loves me. 

Many times I need to be reminded of that and need to be told that I matter.

But it gets better.

I know when it's happening now.

I know better how to deal with it.

I know how not to "deal" with it.

I know that even when I'm at the lowest of lows, I'll eventually pull back out of it.

I know that people care.

I know that love is real and it is powerful

So, now I have love written on my arm. And some day, maybe not far down the road or maybe years from now, I'll need it. I'll need to look at it and remember the good times and good people. I'll need to remember the ones who cared when no one else did, the ones who listened, the ones who were there.

But most of all, I need to remember that there might be people in my life who are hurting, who may be afraid to speak up, and who need me to write love on their arms. To let them know they matter and that someone cares.

In case you're wondering why I decided to share this...well I don't know really. I guess I kind of had 2 goals in mind...1 being that I wanted to put a face and a story to this thing that so many people deal with but no one really understands. I want people to know that someone they love might be fighting and might need love. And that if you happen to be reading this and you relate, I want you to know you aren't alone.
My other goal is a bit more selfish in that I wanted to take away the power that depression held over me for so long. Trying to fight it alone and hide it and be "normal" consumed my thinking. Always wondering if someone might have figured me out and if they thought I was crazy. Putting it out there on my own is my little way of letting you in, of realizing I have nothing to hide.
Love is real. Hope is real. Rescue is real.