Tear Streaked Prayers

It's hard to ignore the reality lately that we live in a fallen and broken world. It's been all around this week. Monday, my sweet little cousin, Tommie, would have turned 14 years old had she not left us in a tragic car accident 7 years ago. 

Tuesday, we all got the terrible news of precious Hailey being taken. 

And Wednesday, the heartbreak grew and the reality of Hailey's tragedy set in. 

There was news from my home town of some high school kids in a bad car wreck. 

And then news today about deep hurts within a family that is very near and dear to my heart. A family who we've lost contact with through the years but now I desperately just want to hug each of them and tell them how much they mean to me and how much I love them.

And I don't know what to do. 

I don't know how to respond besides to sit here and cry out to God as the tears stream down my face. 

All of this hurt is so big. 

It's so real. 

And I wish I could take it away. 

But I can't. 

But I know that the God who put the stars in their places and set this world into motion can. 

And He wants to. 

He wants to wrap his arms around us and let us cry on his shoulders, like any father does. 

We have to bring it to him though and hand our hurt over to him.

Honestly, words aren't enough tonight. And maybe they never really are, but I'm at a loss here. I'm surrounded by brokenness that I am absolutely powerless to fix and I hate that.

So I'll sit here and I talk to the Father.

I'll sit here and let the tears streak my face because I really don't know what else to do.

Cliff diving and other adventures...

I got a call last Friday that sent me jumping around my apartment in excitement. In fact, I haven't really stopped jumping around about it since. It is the opportunity to do something awesome. It is an opportunity that, in all honesty, I didn't think I would actually get. But I did.

And now I'm staring at this big, unknown adventure.
It kind of like I'm about to dive off a cliff with no idea where I'll land.
Once upon a time this would have scared me. I wouldn't have even been brave enough to dream of it being possible.

I guess there are still things that scare me. Mostly about how real life is going to happen and I will return to being a responsible adult after this adventure. It occurred to me tonight that I only have one year left in school and then I'm supposed to be on to the "real world" doing "grown-up" things. I know what I want to do, but I don't know how to make that happen. And it's hard to keep those things from affecting the now. It's hard to keep them from clouding my excitement about this opportunity.

Wouldn't it be easier to stay where I am?
Wouldn't it be safer to do what I know?
Wouldn't it be more responsible to save and save to ensure an easier and more secure future?

Yes. The answer to all of those is yes, I know it is.

But I don't want easy.
I don't want safe.
And to a degree, I don't want "responsible."

I want radical.
I want world changing.
I want such unshakable trust in the Lord that I will walk into anything He has for me.
I want to stand on the edge of those cliffs and know that jumping doesn't mean I'm falling into the unknown; it means I'm jumping into the arms of the Father.

Where I'm going to land: Glorieta, New Mexico