My Story

There once was a day my world stopped;
my hope was gone, all hope was completely dropped.

July 9th, that was the night;
the night I decided to quit the fight.

I bought the biggest bottle I could find;
gave in to the demons in my mind.

I thought they would be better without me;
hopefully one day they would see.

I woke in that hospital bed;
parents right there, eyes so very red.

I couldn't explain why I wanted it to be the end;
how I saw no light around the bend.

They never asked and I never spoke;
I suppose their hearts were already broke.

What went through their minds that day;
what are the words they wanted to say?

It awkward you know;
explaining why I needed to go.

More awkward still is my persistent desire to end it all;
despite all the help, further and further I fall.

Day by day, I fight to keep my head above the water;
though I feel like I've already failed them as a daughter.

I've already given up, resigned myself to my eventual fate;
nothing will stop me, it's already too late.

I'm not saying I'm leaving you now;
I don't know when, but I know how.

It'll be in my own time, in my own way;
I become more burdensome day by day.

They tell me it not true, that it's not what I think;
it doesn't matter, my mind tells me things that keep me on the brink.

They feel so true, the thoughts when they speak;
never sunny, always dark, always bleak.

For now I'm here, I'm fighting the fight;
I press on through day and night.

I'm only here for them, I can't lie;
but one day, I'll have to say goodbye.

I don't really know why, but it feels as though that's how I must end;
but what will I leave behind, what message will I send?

I did all the things, but it won't be enough;
It's been too real, too lasting, too rough.

Please don't be scared, I'll be at peace in my mind;
finally free from the despair that I can't help but find.

When I'm gone will you see me as a coward;
one who gave up before life truly flowered?

I hope you'll understand that it wasn't the easy way;
it will the hardest decision to make that day.

But it will seem like all I can do, the only choice to make;
don't let it fool you, I don't want your heart to break.

In fact, freedom is what I hope you'll see;
You'll no longer be forced to worry about me.

For the moment, I'm here, I'm fighting for those that love me;
They'll miss me one day, but for now I'll just be.